Special Skills

Inspired by a recent post on Joy the Baker’s blog (ok I stopped by for the cookies but stayed for the inspirado), I’ve been thinking about my special life skills – the REAL kind, not the bullshit ones that go on a resume. The ones that actually serve meĀ on a daily basis. Like Joy, I also have an almost ninja-like ability to catch objects in mid-air (it’s cuz I drop stuff a lot. When you’re plagued by dropping, you learn to catch.) Here are a few others I WISH would help get me a job:

  1. Compulsion Commitment to make everything into a joke/ moment of wordplay, despite appropriateness or context
  2. Ability to draw out shy people (used to be one! Sort of still am; don’t tell) by peppering them with questions
  3. Related to #2: Olympic-level nervous talker/ interrupting cow
  4. Bendy thumbs (perfect for that “hitch hiker murder” film you’re writing)
  5. Blowing out candles on restaurant tables with my nose-exhales. Any candle, anywhere. It’s a gift.
  6. Amazingly supportive audience member. Available for open mics and one-woman shows. I’ll make your mother look like a heckler.